


billions of years

by SJAandDWfan



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/F, basically i fell in love with this pairing immediately, clara/twelve brotp feels, i even made a sideblog on my tumblr dedicated to them how trashy is that, immortal space girlfriends yay, part two: now with extra fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-05 07:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5367332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SJAandDWfan/pseuds/SJAandDWfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Clara marvelled at just how sitcom-like her life seemed. Two immortal girls; one who would live forever and one who was frozen before her last heartbeat, travelling through space and time in an American diner with their alien puppy named after a Norse god. On paper, it sounded ridiculous, and it was sometimes. There were a lot of moments, especially in the first week, that Clara couldn’t believe this was her life now. Or even that she had a life now.</p><p>(The fact that she may be developing feelings for Ashildr only added to the sitcom-like nature of her life.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am trash for these two. That is all you need to know.

“So, all of time and space at our fingertips,” Clara said, fiddling with some of the buttons on the TARDIS console. “Where do you want to go?”

Ashildr considered for a moment. “Probably not Earth. I’ve spent far too much time there.”

Clara nodded. “Planets then. Well, there’s an entire universe of them, so you’re in luck.”

“What about Barcelona?”

Clara was confused. “I thought you didn’t want to go to Earth.”

Ashildr laughed. “No, there’s a planet called Barcelona. Apparently they have dogs with no noses.”

“I see,” Clara smiled. “Are you telling me you want our first stop to be somewhere with lots of puppies?”

Ashildr titled her head to the side. “But puppies!”

“Oh no, I’m agreeing with you,” Clara grinned. “It’s just after all the time you’ve lived I didn’t expect your first request to be so…” she trailed off thoughtfully.

“So what?” Ashildr prompted, watching as Clara glided around the console, occasionally flipping a switch.

“So cute,” Clara said. “Puppies.”

“Most people’s weakness,” Ashildr explained, fighting down the blush on her cheeks. She was billions of years old, damnit; she would not be caught blushing simply because Clara had called her cute.

“Right then. Barcelona it is,” Clara said, looking up the co-ordinates and programming them into the TARDIS.

“Don’t act like you’re not excited to see the puppies too,” Ashildr teased, and Clara’s face broke into a huge grin.

“Like you said; most people’s weakness.”

\----------------

In short, Barcelona was incredible.

The inhabitants of the planet were very friendly, and it reminded Clara of one of the reasons she had started travelling with the Doctor in the first place. To see the universe, and to meet the friendly species that were out there.

(The puppies were also a highlight.)

She and Ashildr spent hours roaming around one of the towns, just seeing the sights. Ashildr seemed particularly fascinated with the architecture of the buildings, excitedly telling Clara facts and observations she had learned during her life. Clara thought it was adorable that this girl could be so old and so youthful at the same time. She’d changed a hell of a lot since Clara first met her as a mortal; she was more confident and much wiser than she had been even on Trap Street. Clara couldn’t even begin to comprehend her lifespan, just as she couldn’t begin to comprehend the four and a half billion years the Doctor had spent trying to save her.

(She tried not to think about the Doctor too much. It hurt a lot and she wasn’t ready to deal with it yet.)

“Clara, come over here,” Ashildr’s voice interrupted her thoughts, and she turned to see the other girl crouched over something on the ground. She jogged over.

“What is it?”

Ashildr moved aside to reveal a lone puppy, probably no more than ten weeks old, curled up in the street. There wasn’t an owner or a mother in sight. The puppy was golden in colour, and was making tiny whimpering noises.

“Poor thing,” Clara said, reaching out to stroke the puppy’s coat. It looked malnourished and feeble, and Clara felt her heart break for this creature. Making a split-second decision, she scooped the puppy up into her arms and stood up. The puppy snuggled deeper into her arms, and she could feel its faint heartbeat against her chest.

That was enough to make up her mind completely. “Come on,” she told Ashildr. “Let’s get this one back to the TARDIS. I’m sure there’ll be dog food waiting.”

Ashildr smiled wide, and Clara hadn’t seen her this happy since she’d been mortal (apart from maybe when Clara suggested they travel together). They took the puppy back to the TARDIS, which was indeed stuck as a diner. Ashildr unlocked the doors with one of the two keys he TARDIS had presented them with. Clara took the puppy through the console room through to a kitchen and checked the cupboards. Sure enough, she found tins of dog food, bags of biscuit mixers and various treats ready and waiting, all designed with puppies in mind. She patted the counter appreciatively. It seemed that this TARDIS liked her much better than the Doctor’s ever had.

She found a dog bowl ready and waiting, and fixed the puppy up a meal, which he (Clara now knew he was in fact a he) gobbled up eagerly. Ashildr entered the kitchen to find Clara on the floor holding the puppy who – now that he had a full tummy – was happily wagging his tail and trying to lick Clara’s face.

“What should we call him?” Ashildr asked, taking Clara unawares. She jumped, and Ashildr supressed a laugh at the adorable look of surprise on her face.

“I’m not sure. I was hoping you’d managed to think of a name,” she admitted.

“I think…” Ashildr paused, then a smile crept onto her face. “Yeah. Can we call him Odin?”

Clara’s mind flashed back to the so-called ‘Odin’ that had appeared before the villagers back when she first met Ashildr. She smiled too, and looked at the puppy currently trying to eat the ends of her hair.

“Yeah, I think that’s a great name, Ashildr.”

Ashildr’s smile turned sad for a split second, and Clara backtracked. “Sorry, I keep forgetting that you’re Me. I’ll do my best to-“

“No, you can call me Ashildr. I was just realising that when I was mortal, I had a family. But I can’t remember them. Can’t really remember the Mire. Can’t even remember when I first met you.” Ashildr said.

“But you remember meeting me on Trap Street?” Clara asked, her mind flashing back to what – from her perspective – had only been at most a week ago. For Me (no, Ashildr. She’d said it was okay to call her Ashildr) it had been billions of years.

“Yes.”

“How?” Clara asked. “It was billions of years ago. You forgot me after a thousand years, how could you remember me for billions?”

“Your death had a big impact on me, Clara,” Ashildr said quietly. “In all the years I’ve lived, I’ve tried not to regret anything I’ve done. But that night, when I swore to protect you and I failed… how could I forget that?”

“That wasn’t your fault,” Clara said firmly. “It was my choice. Like you said back then, you had no idea I would do something like that.”

Ashildr nodded, but she still looked unsure.

“And hey, it worked out pretty good for us in the end, right?” Clara joked, trying to lighten the mood. “We’ve got a TARDIS, an indefinite amount of time to travel and have adventures, and we’ve even got a puppy.”

Ashildr cracked a smile at that. “Most people’s weakness,” she echoed.

\----------------

Sometimes Clara marvelled at just how sitcom-like her life seemed. Two immortal girls; one who would live forever and one who was frozen before her last heartbeat, travelling through space and time in an American diner with their alien puppy named after a Norse god. On paper, it sounded ridiculous, and it was sometimes. There were a lot of moments, especially in the first week, that Clara couldn’t believe this was her life now. Or even that she had a life now.

She knew she had to die eventually. Her death was a fixed point in the universe. She couldn’t escape the raven forever; no-one could. Except maybe Ashildr – but maybe one day the Mire chip device would stop working or something like that. Neither of them knew for sure what would happen. But she wasn’t afraid to die. Because it would be on her terms. And in the meantime, she could have adventures with Ashildr whilst enjoying the perks of not ageing.

(The fact that she may be developing feelings for Ashildr only added to the sitcom-like nature of her life.)

\----------------

“Is it strange?” Ashildr asked her one day, as they stood behind the counter of their diner, serving food all over the universe in exchange for stories and songs.

“Is what strange?”

“Not having a pulse.”

Clara considered for a long moment. “Yes,” she replied. “Most of the time I forget, because most of the time you forget about your heartbeat anyway, but sometimes I’ll think I can feel it, like a phantom pulse, but then I remember. It _is_ strange, not least because while you may be immortal, I am essentially a non-ageing zombie.”

Ashildr smirked at her, picking up a tray with some more food on it to take to a table. “Well, you’re certainly the best-looking zombie I’ve ever seen.”

(Yeah, make that _definitely_ developing feelings for Ashildr.)

\----------------

“Why do you never visit Jane anymore?” Ashildr asked her one day, as she threw a rubber ball for Odin, who was now eight months old.

Clara shrugged. “I think it just sunk in that I can’t just keep visiting her and then leaving; it’s not fair on her. And she’s ageing; I’m not. She’ll die a long time before me. I just…”

“Have you told her this?” Ashildr asked.

“Yeah. We made that decision together. Here’s the thing about Jane Austen; she’s very clever. Brilliantly perceptive. I think she knew before I did.”

“That you guys just wouldn’t work out in the long run?”

“Yeah. That too,” Clara said, her mind far away, thinking back to the last time she saw Jane.

(She had cupped her cheek and kissed her sweetly before smiling earnestly at her.

“Go,” she had said, “back to your time machine, and back to your person. I will not forget you, just as you will not forget me.”

“My person?” Clara had been confused. Jane had nodded.

“In time, I’m sure you will come to understand me. You’re clever like that.” She had said, before dropping her hand.)

It was only recently that she had understood what Jane had meant. In a way, Ashildr _was_ her person, and she was Ashildr’s person. They were essentially immortal, they had each other, and while Clara now knew she had feelings for her companion, there were times she believed Ashildr had feelings for her too.

Like now. Clara could tell she was trying to seem disaffected, but she had always been slightly uneasy around Jane; tip-toeing around her name like she wasn’t sure whether to bring her up or not. Something that Jane had obviously noticed during their visits.

Ashildr bit her lip to hide a smile as she threw the ball again for Odin, who went bounding off down the corridors of their TARDIS.

\----------------

Standing side by side on the planet Woman Wept, Clara was struck yet again by the beauty of the universe. Waves hundreds of feet high, frozen in an instant by some unknown natural disaster, had created a beautiful sight. The land mass they were currently standing on, bundled up in hats and scarves, was shaped like a lamenting woman, giving the planet its name. She wondered how many people had stood where they stood now. She wondered if the Doctor had ever been here.

The Doctor. She missed him; of course she did. But she was happy, because while the two of them had grown too chaotic and reckless as a pair, the Doctor was relatively happy after forgetting her. She had a lot of mixed feelings; whilst she was sad that they would probably never meet again (probably _should_ never meet again), she was also glad the Doctor had forgotten all the things he had done, all the rules he had broken during his quest to save her. She wouldn’t have wished those experiences upon anyone, least of all the Doctor. And it wasn’t like the Doctor had no trace of her whatsoever. Though he couldn’t remember her face or their friendship, he could remember the impact she had had upon him, and most days that was enough.

She had talked to Ashildr about the Doctor, and she always spoke of him fondly. Ashildr would nod, and speak words of comfort and reassurance, and would sometimes wrap her arms around Clara’s waist in a hug, and Clara would come out of those conversations feeling lighter.

She glanced over at Ashildr now. She was gazing up at the frozen waves, eyes wide with wonder.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Clara asked gently, startling Ashildr out of her reverie.

“Yes,” Ashildr replied. “Funny. All these billions of years and I hardly saw the universe.” She turned to Clara. “Thank you for showing me the universe, Clara. It’s all I thought it could be, and more.”

Clara smiled and nodded. “Yeah, no… no problem,” she said, voice a bit hoarse as emotion washed over her. All this girl had ever wanted was to travel and see the universe, but she had never been given the chance. Further words failing her, she reached out to link their hands together. Ashildr looked down at their hands, and shifted so that their fingers were intertwined. She moved closer to Clara’s side, and for a moment Clara felt her phantom pulse as Ashildr’s thumb brushed over her own.

\----------------

Sometimes Clara still woke up crying.

She would dream about the Doctor, and his four and a half billion years trapped in that awful place. About their adventures together that he would never remember. About the fact that it could’ve been her. It could’ve been her that forgot.

When that happened; when she sat up in her bed with silent tears streaming down her face, she would pull back the covers, get out of bed, and go next door to Ashildr’s room. She would nudge her companion awake, and Ashildr would barely speak, but she would shuffle over so that Clara could climb in with her. She would allow Clara to tuck herself against her, and Ashildr would rest her chin on Clara’s head and stroke her hair comfortingly. Clara would lay her head against Ashildr’s chest, letting the other girl’s heartbeat relax her, since she could no longer listen to her own. They would fall asleep like that, curled up together and quiet and peaceful.

(They never talked about it in the morning. Ashildr would smile that beautiful smile at her and they would get up and continue their travels. Clara hoped Ashildr understood how much those moments meant to her.)

\----------------

Occasionally their adventures would turn dangerous. Okay, maybe more than occasionally. A lot.

But that was part of the fun. Clara was used to it from when she had been travelling with the Doctor, and Ashildr adapted to her new lifestyle with incredible ease. The TARDIS’ telepathic field translated all the different languages, allowing them to understand and communicate with other species, but Clara suspected Ashildr could do that anyway. She could read the Gallifreyan instruction manual, at any rate. Clara wondered just how many languages she had learned, and subsequently forgotten, in her life.

The manual and Ashildr’s understanding of it came in handy when they were running away from the occasional danger they couldn’t beat, especially at first. Clara was aware of just how reckless she had become in her final weeks with the Doctor, and as a result was being very cautious with the fights they involved themselves in. But they were both clever, and in time, they found themselves running away less and less.

Ashildr was as close to fearless as one could be, Clara suspected. She was always willing to fight, especially if it was for the good of others. There must have still been some Viking left in her, in Clara’s opinion. She had also noticed Ashildr was becoming less selfish the longer they travelled together. She wondered if that was her doing; if by simply travelling and living together, Ashildr had become more aware of lives beside her own. However it had happened, Clara was glad the universe was having a positive impact on her companion.

Companion. That was one way to think of Ashildr. Clara wasn’t the Doctor; she never would be, but she supposed Ashildr could be thought of as her companion, or vice-versa. ‘Companion’ certainly sounded a lot more sophisticated than ‘crush’, although her feelings for Ashildr went deeper than a simple crush.

In one of these dangerous situations they found themselves in, they were running down a corridor, like they had done so often, and Ashildr reached out to take her hand. She pulled her to the side, into a hole in the crumbling wall, and they stayed there, out of breath from the run until the danger had passed. It was only then that Clara realised how close they were standing. Neither she nor Ashildr were particularly tall, and so when they faced each other they were practically nose to nose in the cramped space. Ashildr looked at her with that wicked grin on her face, the kind always she got when they had escaped danger yet again, and it took all Clara had not to kiss her then and there.

Instead, she checked the coast was clear, and then extracted herself from the space, Ashildr following her.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Clara suggested, “I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough of being chased by Kraals for one day. Besides, I’m starving.”

“Agreed,” Ashildr said, and as they began to walk away, she took hold of Clara’s hand again. This time it was Clara who shifted so that their fingers were intertwined, and she could see Ashildr’s smile out of the corner of her eye.

“I’m thinking burgers,” she said conversationally, swinging their joined hands together as they located an exit from the building they were in.

“Well we do own a diner, if I’m not mistaken,” Ashildr replied. “So burgers shouldn’t be a problem.”

\----------------

“It kind of bothers me that I can’t see this stupid tattoo without a mirror,” Clara said conversationally to Ashildr one day, gesturing to the numbers on the back of her neck that would forever remain at ‘000’. “I can never wear my hair up because people think it’s a trashy tattoo I decided to get.”

“My deepest apologies,” Ashildr laughed, knowing Clara wasn’t really mad. “Although it is a tattoo for criminals, so I don’t think design was the primary thought.”

Odin whined from where he was spread across their laps on the sofa. They were using some rare downtime to catch up on TV programmes. Clara absentmindedly scratched the (admittedly, now rather large) puppy behind the ear. “Sometimes it itches.”

“Let me see,” Ashildr said, and Clara scooped her hair off her neck and turned her head away to give her companion access to the back of her neck. She shivered involuntarily when Ashildr’s fingers traced the digits. “Maybe it’s just trying to remind you that you have to face the raven eventually.”

“Well, tell it I already know that. And then tell it to fuck off,” Clara said, and Ashildr laughed softly, “I don’t plan on going back any time in the near future. I’m having far too much fun.”

“With me,” Ashildr said.

“Yes, with Me,” Clara joked, and Ashildr groaned good-naturedly.

“No matter how many times you say that, doesn’t make it funny.”

Clara gasped in mock-outrage. “But you love my sense of humour!”

“Shut up,” Ashildr said, ghosting her fingers over the back of Clara’s neck again. This method was surprisingly effective, and Clara sucked in a breath at the contact. “I do love your sense of humour, but right now I have to see who gets voted off Strictly Come Dancing, so hush.”

Odin barked, making Ashildr jump, which made Clara laugh, and she wondered exactly when they became this domestic.

\----------------

Sometimes Clara regretted letting Ashildr get involved in the problems of the inhabitants of nearly every planet they visited. Because sometimes it resulted in situations like this.

Clara raced across the wasteland of a barren, desert-like planet after a vehicle containing a captured Ashildr. It was times like this that she really wished she hadn’t left her motorcycle in the TARDIS. She noticed a commotion inside the vehicle, and it swerved violently, kicking up more dust than ever. Clara gritted her teeth and increased her pace.

The back door opened, and Ashildr went flying out, yelling defiantly. She hit the ground and rolled clear. The vehicle careered on, spinning to a stop. Clara changed course to run to where Ashildr was lying on the ground, mentally cursing this brave, selfless, _stupid_ girl over and over.

She reached Ashildr’s side to find her conscious, sitting up and coughing through the dust. Clara dropped to her knees and flung her arms around the other girl, hugging her tightly.

“You just had to be a hero, didn’t you?” She whispered into Ashildr’s ear, as the girl’s hands came up to clutch at the back of her shirt.

“They were gonna take you. I wasn’t going to let that happen,” Ashildr replied as Clara eventually drew back, arms still around Ashildr’s neck, and Clara could see the raw emotion shining in her companion’s eyes.

Mind racing, Clara’s only coherent thought was _fuck it,_ as she leaned forward and kissed Ashildr soundly. Ashildr responded immediately, kissing back and opening her mouth under Clara’s when her tongue traced Ashildr’s bottom lip. Clara held onto Ashildr tightly, relieved to have her back after nearly losing her, and she sighed when she felt Ashildr’s teeth scrape over her lip.

Pulling back with her eyes still closed, Clara allowed herself a smile before she fully realised what she had done.

“I should have asked first, I’m sorry,” she whispered, and she could feel the huff of Ashildr’s laugh against her lips.

“Apology accepted, now do it again.”

Clara kissed her again, revelling in the softness of Ashildr’s lips before she remembered they had been under attack. She broke the kiss, shivering when Ashildr whined at the loss.

“What about the ones who took you? Why haven’t they come to get you again?” Clara’s mind was hazy, but she did just about remember what had happened before the kiss.

“I knocked them all unconscious and then jumped out of the vehicle,” Ashildr explained. “They won’t wake up for quite a while yet.”

“Of course you did.”

“Now where were we?” Ashildr murmured, faux-confused. “Oh yes, you were about to kiss me again?”

“I was,” Clara smiled.

“Good, because I’ve been waiting for you to do that for quite some time,” Ashildr breathed.

“How long?”

Ashildr laughed softly. “Billions of years, actually.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Clara had thought that travelling the universe with her friend Ashildr had been an amazing experience, then travelling the universe with her girlfriend Ashildr was simply unexplainably incredible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got a few requests to write a second part to this, and I thought 'hey why not?'. So here it is!
> 
> It's such gross fluff, you guys. It's so fluffy you might all die. I know I nearly did.

If Clara had thought that travelling the universe with her friend Ashildr had been an amazing experience, then travelling the universe with her _girlfriend_ Ashildr was simply unexplainably incredible. They had been together for a few weeks, and it was surprising just how little had actually changed. They had, after all, been very touchy with each other even before they first kissed; sharing a close emotional bond that had developed during their time together. In fact, the only major change Clara found in their relationship was that she no longer had to hold herself back whenever she got the urge to kiss Ashildr. Which, admittedly, was a lot.

Clara also supposed that their adventures could be counted as dates. Although she wasn’t sure how common running away from an exploding haystack was for a first date (It was a long story). After they had reached the safety of the TARDIS, both of them had fallen about laughing; clinging on to each other to stay upright. Ashildr had surprised Clara with a kiss, which had grown heated until Clara had remembered the look on Ashildr’s face when the haystack had spat dust at her (again, long story) and had burst into another fit of giggles.

Clara wandered into the console room one morning to find Ashildr already there, reading the TARDIS manual and muttering things that sounded suspiciously like “stupid bloody machine” and “the fuck do you fly this thing” under her breath. Biting back a smile, Clara cleared her throat. Ashildr’s head shot up from the book.

“Hi,” she said, eyes wide in a classic deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression.

“Hi,” Clara replied. “What’s got you up so bright and early this morning?”

“Oh, nothing,” Ashildr said evasively, casually leaning against the console. She yelped and retracted her hand; the TARDIS had just given her a static shock.

“You know she doesn’t like it when you swear at her,” Clara chastised her girlfriend gently, but she walked over to where Ashildr was cradling her hand and glaring daggers at the console. “Come here.” Clara took hold of Ashildr’s hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. “Better?”

“Didn’t hurt anyway,” Ashildr muttered, but she was smiling.

“So are you gonna tell me why you’re swearing at the TARDIS?” Clara asked.

Ashildr sighed. “I was trying to fly her somewhere. But she wouldn’t co-operate.”

“But you’ve flown the TARDIS loads of times.”

“Yeah, but you’ve always been helping me.” Ashildr reminded her.

“You could’ve just come to get me if you needed help,” Clara said, squeezing Ashildr’s hand.

“But I wanted to surprise you,” Ashildr said. “By taking you on a breakfast date.”

Clara’s smile grew. “A breakfast date?”

“Yeah. ‘Cause I know you don’t technically have to eat or drink, but I know how much you love coffee and croissants, so I thought we could go to Paris for breakfast. Only our _beloved_ TARDIS keeps beeping at me even though I _totally_ put in the right co-ordinates!” Ashildr said sulkily. She gave an exaggerated sigh. “And now the surprise is ruined. Thank you, TARDIS.”

The TARDIS beeped at her and Ashildr growled. Clara wrapped her arms around Ashildr in a tight hug, kissing her on the cheek.

“You’re amazing, do you know that?”

“Yes,” came the muffled reply, and Clara snorted.

“I think Paris is a wonderful idea,” she said.

\----------------

Even though they planned on only spending the morning in Paris, they actually ended up staying for a few days (Clara claimed that Disneyland was calling her). They did all the clichéd touristy things like going to the Eiffel Tower, which was where Clara found out that Ashildr was scared of heights.

“I don’t like it. Clara, I don’t like it,” she whispered, clutching around Clara’s waist tightly as she buried her head in the crook of her neck. Clara walked them away from the barrier.

“Did you only come up here because I wanted to?” Clara asked, and Ashildr nodded. “As much as I love that you were willing to come with me even though you’re clearly terrified of heights, you have to tell me these things; how you really feel, okay?”

“’Kay,” Ashildr murmured.

“Wanna go get smoothies?”

“Yuck. We can have smoothies any time we want,” Ashildr said, pulling her head back. “We live in a diner. I want pizza!”

Clara laughed. “What’s so bad about unlimited smoothies?”

“I’m just telling you how I really feel, like you told me to,” Ashidlr batted her eyelashes and Clara rolled her eyes.

“Alright, clever-clogs. Pizza it is.”

\----------------

Sometimes Clara struggled to comprehend the fact that she was frozen before her final heartbeat. It wasn’t like she was Ashildr in that her body repaired itself again and again; Clara was basically ‘undead’. Most of the time she was fine; either she didn’t stop to really think about it, or she was happy and accepting of what she had become. But occasionally the thought seemed too big for her head. Would she forget people? Things she had done? Places she had been? That thought worried her.

“Infinite lifespan; finite memory,” Ashildr told her when they were curled up on the sofa together in front of the television with Odin asleep in his bed a few feet away. “I won’t sugercoat it; it’s a difficult thing to come to terms with.”

“What should I do?” Clara asked. “You’re the expert on immortality.”

“I’d suggest writing it down,” Ashildr said. “It helps me at any rate. Just write down everything about everything, no matter how small it may seem. Write about your family, your job, Danny Pink, Jane Austen, The Doctor. Write it all down so when you forget, you can read back what you’ve written. And it won’t be the same, but it’ll be something.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to start,” Clara breathed, listening to the sound of Ashildr’s heart beating.

“You could read some of what I’ve written,” Ashildr suggested. “It might help.”

“Okay. Thank you,” Clara said, and Ashildr kissed the top of her head.

“You’re welcome. Can I go back to watching my show now?” Ashildr smirked.

Clara chuckled. “You’re obsessed.”

“Hush. Chandler’s about to do something funny.”

“Chandler’s always about to do something funny,” Clara commented.

“That’s why he’s my favourite,” Ashildr grinned.

“Am I not your favourite?” Clara teased.

“The true dilemma in life.”

\----------------

Pretty soon after, Clara found herself taking Ashildr’s advice.

She walked into the library, where there was a whole section dedicated to Ashildr’s journals. One of the first things they’d done was to retrieve them from the point Ashildr had last kept them, so that she could continue to document her life. Remembering Ashildr’s invitation to read her entries, Clara plucked one of her girlfriend’s journals off the shelf at random and turned to the first page.

It seemed to be the first entry she had ever written. The TARDIS translated the old language, making the reading easy for Clara.

_Dear Diary,_

_So I think I might be immortal._

_The two people who helped save our village are long gone. But they left me with something. A chip. It’s hidden right now. I have to keep it safe. The other one’s in my head; that’s what they all tell me. It fixes me. Stops me getting sick. Or old. No-one has said it, but I think I won’t die. Unless I’m stabbed or something. I’ll try to avoid that._

_They were strange, the Doctor and Clara. But a good kind of strange. The Doctor was especially odd._

_Clara was nice though. She looked after me on that spaceship thing. At least until I sort of declared war on the Mire. She’s very pretty, too. I think she’s probably the prettiest person I’ve ever met. Maybe I’ll meet her again one day. I hope I do._

_I’m not even sure why I’m writing this down. Maybe I just want to remember the past few days._

The entry ended there. Clara smiled at Ashildr’s description of her. Ashildr had seemingly been quite taken with her from their first meeting. Clara found it very sweet. She closed the journal and put it back on the shelf. She picked another one at random, and looked at the spine.

 _2013 – 2016,_ was written in cursive. Ashildr’s handwriting had definitely developed. So had the maturity of her writing. Clara flicked through Ashildr’s time as the Mayor of Trap Street until she was met with a familiar event. She stopped to read the entry.

 _Dear Me,_ it said in Ashildr’s beautiful handwriting.

  _I think I may have fucked up. Majorly. You won’t like reading this back after you’ve forgotten about today. If you forget about today. Clara’s dead. Remember her? Of course you don’t, you met her once a thousand years ago. But you’ve read about meeting her lots of times, I know you have._

_She’s dead. I made a deal with some bad people and I lured the Doctor into a trap. It was wrong, and I’m sorry. But I can’t change it. I put a Chronolock on Clara’s friend Rigsy. She and the Doctor came here, and Clara took on the Chronolock for herself. Only she didn’t know that changed the deal, and I was powerless to save her._

_I promised she would be safe. And I broke that promise._

_The Doctor hates me. I think he wants me dead. Clara told him not to be vengeful, though. I don’t think she blames me for her death. I hope she doesn’t. Because the Doctor does. I do. In time, maybe I won’t. But I don’t think I could ever be okay with Clara spending her last few moments hating me._

_She talked about someone named Danny Pink. I’m not sure, but I think Danny Pink might have been a very lucky person. Clara was brave, and kind, and reckless._

_And she really was as beautiful as her photos._

Closing the journal slowly, Clara wiped away the tears that were forming in her eyes. She placed the journal back in its place and took a deep breath. She remembered that day very clearly; for her it had been under a year ago. She had never blamed Ashildr for her death. Not once. She’d known, even back then, that it was her own fault; the consequence of her recklessness.

She saw on the table nearest to her a blue journal, with a fountain pen lying beside it. Evidently the TARDIS was trying to tell her something. So she sat down at the table and opened the journal to the first page.

 _Dear Diary,_ she wrote, biting her lip and tapping the pen against her chin before deciding what to write.

_I think I love her._

\----------------

After being trapped one too many times, Clara decided it was probably for the best that they got some gadgets. No sooner had Ashildr agreed while wiping mud off her face after their latest tunnel escape then the TARDIS whirred into action. Next thing Clara knew, something was being flung towards her from the console. She caught the object before it hit her in the face, and examined it.

It was a pen. A sleek blue fountain pen. But it was slightly different.

Hoping she was right, Clara pressed a button on the side, pointing it at the wall. A familiar sound met her ears as the tip of the pen lit up, and the one of the wall lights flickered and went out. With a joyous laugh, Clara pressed the sonic pen at the same light, and it switched back on again.

“Cheers, TARDIS,” she said gratefully, and she was answered by a beeping that almost seemed smug in nature.

“Fitting,” Ashildr commented, “given you’re an English teacher.”

“Yeah,” Clara smiled at the pen, and tucked it into her jacket pocket. Another beep from the TARDIS indicated another gift; this one was presumably for Ashildr. She caught the object thrown at her face and examined it.

“I think it’s a Phonic Disruptor ring,” she said, turning the jewellery over in her hands. It was a silver band with a green gemstone set in it. She slipped it on her middle finger. “Capable of stunning opponents, among other little tricks. Wonderful non-lethal device for getting out of tricky situations.”

“Sounds like something we definitely need,” Clara said, raising her eyebrows. “No more tunnel escapes.”

“Speaking of which, I am in desperate need of a shower,” Ashildr gestured to her body, which was still streaked with mud, along with her clothes.

“Yeah, me too,” Clara said, “I’ll let you… then after I’ll… um,” she trailed off, cheeks reddening at the possible implications.

“Chill,” Ashildr smiled, picking up on Clara’s embarrassment. “There’s no rush.”

Clara let out a breath she didn’t need to hold. “Right.”

Ashildr walked over to Clara on her way to the bathroom. A warm hand cupped the back of her neck as Ashildr pressed their lips together. Clara allowed herself to get lost in the kiss, her hands wrapping around her girlfriend’s waist. Ashildr pulled back and considered for a second.

“You taste like dirt,” she said, tilting her head to the side.

“Hello, daring underground escape,” Clara reminded her. “And you taste like dirt too, for the record.”

“Point taken,” Ashildr said. She brushed her thumb over Clara’s cheek before dropping her hand. “And now I really am going to shower. Try not to miss me too much while I’m gone.”

“In your dreams,” Clara teased as Ashildr turned to walk out of the console room. Her girlfriend turned over her shoulder and sent a wink in Clara’s direction on the way out.

 _Fuck._ Clara didn’t know how Ashildr managed to make her a stammering mess. She usually had way more game than this.

She pulled the sonic pen out of her pocket. “You any good at dealing with human problems?” She asked the TARIDS.

The TARDIS beeped back at her quickly.

“Thought not.”

\----------------

“I want to go to Ancient Greece,” Clara said suddenly one morning. “I mean, there’s so much interesting mythology about that time, and I don’t know, it just fascinates me.”

“Sounds fun,” Ashildr encouraged.

“I know you don’t particularly like going to Earth,” Clara said.

“Yeah, but Ancient Greece was before my time. I haven’t experienced it yet,” Ashildr said, walking over to Clara and squeezing her hand. “My only concern is where we’re going to land the TARIDS; it doesn’t exactly fit in.”

“Hmm, true,” Clara said. “Park it behind the Parthenon?”

Ashildr fought to keep a straight face. She failed, dissolving into laughter at the mental image. Clara smiled. No matter how often she managed to make her girlfriend laugh, or smile, it never stopped being a good feeling.

“Yes. Let’s park the TARDIS behind the Parthenon,” Ashildr waved a hand dismissively, “It’s not like that place is important to the Ancient Greeks or anything.”

“Shut up,” Clara laughed, slinging an arm around Ashildr’s shoulders. “If you’re so smart, where do you suggest parking it?”

Ashildr shrugged and sighed. “It’s such a burden being the smart one _and_ the pretty one.”

“I thought I was the pretty one,” Clara started to smirk. “At least you thought I was, according to your first journal entry.”

Ashildr groaned, cheeks tinged pink. “I said you could read my journals, not use them against me.”

“But I’m the prettiest person you’ve ever met!” Clara fanned herself dramatically, taking immense joy in being able to joke around with her girlfriend.

“Please. I was young and impressionable,” Ashildr scoffed. She mumbled something else which Clara couldn’t make out.

“Pardon?”

“I said that you’re still the prettiest person I’ve ever met,” Ashildr said slightly clearer, pretending to fiddle with switches on the console.

Genuinely touched, Clara wrapped other arm around Ashildr’s shoulders and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“For the record, I think you’re the prettiest person I’ve ever met too,” she whispered. “And the most interesting, and the best kisser, and all of those other gross couple things we both pretend to hate.”

Ashildr turned her head, and Clara felt her smile into the kiss. She caught Ashildr’s bottom lip between her teeth, and heard her girlfriend’s breath catch in her throat. When they parted, Clara noted (with no small amount of satisfaction) that Ashildr was looking a bit dazed.

“You… are far too good at that,” she managed, blinking a few times to focus her eyes.

“I’ve been told. Mostly by you,” Clara smirked, enjoying having the upper hand.

“We’re grossly domestic, aren’t we?” Ashildr asked.

“Yep.”

Odin barked at them. Ashildr shook her head. “Case in point.”

\----------------

They found a place outside Athens that wasn’t too conspicuous to land the TARDIS, and set about exploring the city. They had ransacked the TARDIS wardrobe to find suitable clothing, and Clara was getting more and more excited as they got closer to the centre of Athens.

Ashildr held her hand so they didn’t get separated in the bustle of the city, and Clara almost felt bad at the way she was essentially dragging her girlfriend all over the place. But Ashildr didn’t seem to mind; in fact she was quite happy to follow Clara as she zig-zagged the streets, distracted by one thing or another.

“Has anyone told you that you have an abysmal attention span?” Ashildr yelled over the general noise.

“Funnily enough, yes,” Clara replied, “But I can’t help it if everything here is so cool.”

They stopped to watch a sword fighting demonstration for a bunch of kids, and Clara knew the excitement was practically radiating off her. It was actually making some of the kids jittery.

“You’re such a child,” Ashildr said fondly.

“Hush,” Clara mimicked. “I’m watching my show.”

“Not only have you just proven my point, but if you wanted to learn how to sword fight, I could teach you.”

“You know how to sword fight?” Clara asked with interest.

“Duh. I’m a _Viking_ , remember?”

“Yeah, but I thought you might have forgotten,” Clara reasoned.

“I made sure to keep practicing,” Ashildr shrugged. “I wanted something to remember my old life by, I guess. But, yeah, I’m pretty awesome with a sword, if I do say so myself.”

“You have never been more attractive to me,” Clara said casually, and Ashildr snorted.

“Enough with the flattery, I’ll teach you later.”

\----------------

The sword fighting lesson could’ve gone better.

Clara wasn’t a natural with a sword, which frustrated her, if she was honest. It didn’t help that Ashildr was so good at it. Plus she looked hot, and was it really Clara’s fault that she got distracted?

They ended up dropping the swords in favour of kissing, and if Ashildr was taken aback at Clara’s forwardness, she didn’t let it show; kissing back with the same intensity. Clara sighed as Ashildr’s fingers ran through her hair, and she held her girlfriend tighter to her. She could tell her. She could tell Ashildr she loved her.

Clara pulled back, steeling herself to say the words she’d been feeling for a while now.

“I want to tell you something,” Clara whispered.

“I love you,” Ashildr said, eyes flying open as she realised what she’d said. There was a moment of silence before Clara lightly pushed her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“You stole my thunder,” she protested.

“I did?”

“Yeah, I was totally about to say the same thing but you beat me to it!”

“Sorry,” Ashildr said, not looking very sorry at all. “Are you still gonna say it?”

“Of course I’m still going to bloody say it,” Clara rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “I didn’t psyche myself up to say it for nothing. Ashildr, I love you. I love everything about you. Even the annoying parts. Everything.”

Ashildr kissed her deeply, giddy from Clara’s words.

“Even though you’re a bossy know-it-all, I love you,” she echoed Clara’s sentiments.

“Especially because I’m a bossy know-it-all,” Clara said smugly, pressing their lips together again.

“You’re infuriating.”

“But you love me.”

“I do,” Ashildr laughed. “I really do.”

Clara kissed her again, intent on not stopping. Perhaps ever. It was one of her favourite things in the world, kissing Ashildr.

(Although, she was sure there were other things she could be doing with Ashildr; new and exciting things that had a weird effect on her tummy.)

The kiss broke as Ashildr tried to stifle a laugh.

“What is it now?” Clara whined. All she wanted was to have one kiss not interrupted by one or both of them laughing.

“I guess that I was telling you how I feel, and the first time you asked me to do that, I demanded pizza,” Ashildr commented. She sighed dramatically and threw a hand up over her face. “We’ve come so far!”

Clara shook her head. “You’re a bloody idiot. And now I kind of want pizza.”

“Awesome, me too.”

“You’re impossible.”

“But you love me.”

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you're so inclined, come yell at me on tumblr @ clara-ashildr-spacegirlfriends (my swanky new sideblog dedicated to these nerds)


End file.
